Things to know about Texas (humorous)

• Armadillos sleep in the middle of the road with all four feet in the air.
• There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Texas.
• There are 10,000 types of spiders.  All 10,000 live in Texas, plus a few no one has ever seen before.
• Raccoons will test your melon crop, and let you know when they are ripe.
• If it grows, it will stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you!
• Nothing will kill a mesquite tree.
• There are valid reasons some people put razor wire around their house.
• A tractor is NOT an all terrain vehicle. They do get stuck.
• The wind blows at 90 mph from Oct 2 till June 25; then it stops totally until October 2.
• Onced and twiced are words.
• Coldbeer is one word.
• People actually grow and eat okra.
• Green grass DOES burn.
• When you live in the country you don't have to buy a dog.  City people drop them off at your front gate in the middle of the night.
• The sound of coyotes howling at night only sounds good for the first few weeks.
• When a buzzard sits on the fence and stares at you, it's time to see a doctor..
• There ain't no such thing as "lunch". There is only breakfast, dinner and then there's supper.
• "Sweetened ice tea" is appropriate for all meals, and you start drinking it when you are two.
• "Backwards and forwards" means I know everything about you.
• "Jeet?" is actually a phrase meaning, "Did you eat?"
• You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done, or it's too dark to see.
• You measure distance in minutes or hours.
• You can switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
• Stores don't have bags. They have sacks.
• You see cars with the engine running in the Wal-mart parking lot with no one in them, no matter what time of the year.
• All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit or a vegetable. (or nuts)
• You install security lights on your house and garage, and leave both unlocked.
• You carry jumper cables for your own car.
• You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.
• You only have four spices in your kitchen: Salt, Pepper, Ketchup, and Tabasco.
• You think everyone from north of Dallas has an accent.
• The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require six pages to cover Friday night high school football.
• The first day of deer season is a state holiday.
• You find 100 degrees a "tad" warm.
• The four seasons are: Almost summer, summer, still summer and Christmas.
• You know whether another Texan is from East, West, North, or South Texas as soon as he opens his mouth.
• Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past-time known as "goin Wal-Martin" or "off to Wally-world."
• You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chili-eatin' weather.
• A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola, or pop....It's a Coke regardless of brand or flavor.

Texans understand these jokes. If you do too, forward them to your friends from Texas . If you don't just come and stay awhile.